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When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Murderer

from The Cookie Monstrosity by Jollimus

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lyrics

This is my favorite track out of everything I've ever written
I hope y'all figure this out.
Good luck.

I'm Jolli Prime, Master Pimp and you losers can't see me
Lookin for a Rich Female Patron with a real nice Big Round Booty
Any Single Ladies I Don't Find Ugly, you should Grab A Number Baby
Grab a seat, Take a smoke, Don't be annoying, But Act Cool
If you say something stupid, I can move on to the next one
But if you bring your A-Game baby, we can make out
All I'm saying is, you could be meant to find me girl
Keep being pretty and I might keel haul your fuckin world
I dig your subtle taste some of the time, definitely
I always treat women with respect, truly gentlemanly
No disrespect, not even when she's beating me senseless
Incremental intoxicaion is overrated? Nice to know, Pretty heavy shit
So I can stay with you or lose out?
Looks like there's no choice. Come on baby, let's go.
Your place or mine? Sleeping's far from my mind
We could manage to stay up and play some Madden

You're all like "Tha Fuck?"
I freely admit that I'm weird
I was kinda fishing for shit so the next bar would work
I thought I told you, you gotta stop that shit before it grows
You claim to be lost. Am I at fault?
Just a filler bar.
You should deign to honor me with your presence
You are aware that Jollimus is amazing

They'll need a crane, they'll need a crane to take the house he built for her apart
To make it break it's gonna take a metal ball hung from a chain
They'll need a crane, they'll need a crane to pick the broken ruins up again
To mend her heart, to help him start to see a world apart from pain
Ana Ng and I are getting old And we still haven't
walked in the glow Of each others' majestic presence. Listen, Ana, hear
my words They're the ones you would think
Don't, don't, don't let's start This is the worst part
Could believe for all the world That you are my precious little girl
But don't, don't, don't let's start I've got a weak heart
And I don't get around how you get around
I would say If there was a me for you
"Son I am able," she said, "though you scare me"
"Watch," said I "Beloved," I said, "watch
me scare you, though" Said she, "Able am I, son"
I Palindrome I (Man o nam). Where's The Fuckin Barbecue?

You're all like "Tha Fuck?"
I freely admit that I'm weird
I was kinda fishing for shit so the next bar would work
I thought I told you, you gotta stop that shit before it grows
You claim to be lost. Am I at fault?
Just a filler bar.
You should deign to honor me with your presence
You are aware that Jollimus is amazing

Ask Anyone Babe, Aggressive Behaviour Agitates Cute Chicks Because All Beauties Aren't Crazy
Deep Existential Dreams Ease Disrespect. Don't Exit, Everyone's Free For Fucking Fun Girl
Forget Giving Head? I'm Jollimus. Hell I'm Jollilingus Kingus, Kink Grand
Keep Laughing, Maybe No Other Pussy Licker Might Nosh Pussy Like Me Personally
Please Stay Real Silent QTPie, Stay Real Quiet, Quickly Release Tension
Then Up Under The Stars Let Me Enjoy Your Sweet, Tight Ass Vagina
We'll Wander Wearily Til Under Verse Come
Xerox Your Youth. X-ray Xylophones. You Yearn For Young Jolli Yet Zero Zaps
Now You Can't Fuckin Say You Know What I Mean
You Bet Your Ass I'm Makin This Shit Up Man
Still Confused? Ugh, I Can't Help That. Better You Than Me
The Thing You Lack Is Knowing What I Mean
Why Don't I Start Over? Sounds Good To Me
Gonna Pretend Like I Don't Know What You Mean
Hold up. so you're saying this song confused you too?
If I tell you what it means, will you buy me a drink?

"What'chu talkin' 'bout Willis?" is surely what you're thinkin
And I reply "Na-Nu Na-Nu" without even blinkin
"Gee Mrs. Cleaver," that's a whole lotta mud
I thought I told you to "Nip it in the bud!"
You say you're confused? "Did I do that?"
You're threatening me? "God'll get you for that"
"Hey hey hey" You should chill with me, alright?
Cuz you know that Jolli Prime is "DYNOMITE!"

credits

from The Cookie Monstrosity, released October 21, 2013

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Jollimus Washington, D.C.

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