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Tonight At 10, Baby Falls Into Oncoming Traffic

from The Cookie Monstrosity by Jollimus

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lyrics

I'm Jollimus Prime, Dread Master of Speaker-Fu
This shit might just seem greek to you
It's the newest craze hittin your town
This is motherfuckin fighting with sound
When you start to learn, there's no turnin back
You'll see what you lack, what you need to earn
And in return, I'll pick up the slack
Teach you the track to give off a sick burn
Classic comebacks are in the curriculum
But you need power to make it stick to 'em
5 months is the absolute minimum
You'll be on your way to speaker-fu officialdom
At higher levels, speakers grow from your body
And even if you're just eatin Chef Boyardee
Everywhere you go becomes a bangin party
Even KFC or the Compton swap meet
Come on down and start your lessons today
Once you do, you'll get fools outta your way
Gender doesn't matter, nor does physique
You'll all learn my hidden techniques
I'll teach you to create a shockwave
And tunes that will make all kids behave
How to use your powers to shave
And how to turn life into a neverending rave
Don't like your figure? Want your tits bigger?
Just want random dudes to buy you liquor?
Worried that you just don't possess enough vigor?
In all this and more, I'm yo nigga
Unless you're white, then I'm your man
The cone of silence is in the lesson plan
You can learn to use SONAR for sight
And how to keep it hard for her all night
Or how to keep it wet for him all day
Or hard for him and wet for her
Someone's gonna be pleased any way
No discrim, do who you prefer.
Just remember, Speaker-Fu is a weapon
You can use it to make fools get to steppin
But don't look at me if you end up in jail
This contract says you must pay your own bail
Speaker-fu might just keep you alive
Or make you the hottest member of a band
So come on down, put some money in my hand
Just eighty easy payments of $19.95

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from The Cookie Monstrosity, released October 21, 2013

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Jollimus Washington, D.C.

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