Oh, damn, did I really spend the whole night drinkin?
I got work in an hour, what the fuck was I thinkin?
I stagger as I run into the morning air
And prepare to battle my mortal enemy: Stairs.
My left foot goes down, my left foot comes up
Weighin just a little bit heavier
My right foot goes down, my right foot comes up
Movin, why can't it be steadier?
The ground gets closer as I stop to breathe
I almost toppled over in that sudden breeze
I throw up and I can't seem to beat this
I call in, and tell my boss that I might be late
I lucked up and I caught a cab
Then stumbled drunkenly back into my pad
Alright, shower, change, have another drink
And throw up again in the kitchen sink

Goin from bar to bar to floor all night
I might have given my friends an awful fright
Everyone's like "Hey dude, take it easy"
But I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy
Everybody knows I'm a champion
Cuz I got mad rhymes like a stampion
They still like "Easy peasy lemon squeezy"
And I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy

Oh shit, I think I might be pregnant
Gotta be some kinda miracle conception
I mean, how could this have happened
I know for sure I didn't get any action
Plus, there's the part where I'm a guy
And this ain't "Junior", so I gotta ask why
Why do crazy things happen to me?
I mean, why can't people stop and see
I'm a mighty creature, shunned by most
But a welcoming soul, I'll be your host
I'll make french toast, and serve it for dinner
Then we'll dance all night. I'm no beginner
Wait, what the hell was I talkin about?
Agh, my ears. There's no need to shout
Ok, I'm not pregnant, you're not a lemming
Just wake me up when the walls stop spinning

Goin from bar to bar to floor all night
I might have given my friends an awful fright
Everyone's like "Hey dude, take it easy"
But I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy
Everybody knows I'm a champion
Cuz I got mad rhymes like a stampion
They still like "Easy peasy lemon squeezy"
And I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy

Oh fuck, I'm late for work
Which means Randy will gloat. That fuckin jerk.
I hurry down the stairs and onto the bus
When I get off, I run, cuz I'm in a rush
He did, Randy gloated, so I punched him in the throat
I somehow got promoted, gonna party on a boat
Invite my friends and all the people I can find
Seen this one girl and I had to feed her lines
"Girl, you're cuter than puppies in kitten suits
Villaness Baroness got nothing on you."
Think I'm losin my nitrogen cool
Man, there on her finger, I'm wrapped in a spool
But it worked, we went back to her place
Stayed up all night playing Dead Space
What? You wanted me to say I fucked her silly
Wouldn't admit that freely in this little ditty