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Beating Bastard Babies While Playing Boston Beebees

from The Cookie Monstrosity by Jollimus

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lyrics

Hey humans, Gaia's had enough of your shit
All the pollution you cause has made her planet the pits
Cleveland seems to be your crowning achievement
So she grabbed 5 teens and brought them to an agreement
Kwame, from Africa, the power of Earth
Cuz we all know blacks work best in the dirt
From North America, Wheeler, with the power of Fire
He's a ginger with a soul, and I ain't a liar
From the Soviet Union, Linka, the power of Wind
Upset at Wheeler's shitty flirting again
Gi, from Asia, gets the power of Water
As she cools things down, things get even hotter (Wet tshirts!)
From South America, Ma-ti and the power of heart
Alright kids, you know your damn part
Shout out the words and I'll come flyin
By your powers combined, I am

CAPTAIN
PLAAAAANEEEET
CAPTAIN
PLAAAAANEEEET
CAPTAIN
PLAAAAANEEEET
CAPTAIN
PLAAAAANEEEET

Galaxy Explorers, sent to Arus for Voltron
Didn't expect capture by Haggar and Zarkon
Met Princess Allura after they got free
Searched the Castle of Lions for the hidden keys
The five lions are scattered across Arus
Oh shit, Here comes a Robeast to scare us
Feet and Legs, blue lion, under the seas
Go get 'em Sven, you can win this with ease
Yellow lion, in a cave, but fuckin Why?
Powered by sunlight. Oh well, Hunk, you're our guy
Arms and Body, Pidge found his in the forest
Green lion, quick to throw a left hook for us
Found the red lion in a damn volcano lair
Lance holds the Blazing Sword and slashes foes to air?
The Head! Black lion piloted by Keith Styles
He's so smooth, he needs a theme song like Guile's

Ready to Form Voltron!
Activate Interlocks! Dyna-therms connected!
Infra-cells up; Mega-thrusters are go!
Let's go, Voltron Force
Form Feet and Legs!
Form Arms and Body!
And I'll form...
The head!

After 5,000 years, the evil Rita Repulsa is free
From her prison tub, which was on the moon, I think?
Zordon got 5 teenagers with motherfuckin attitude
Gave them dinosaur powers and said "Go fight the bad dudes"
Mastadon! Wait, that's not a dinosaur.
Black Ranger Zack will knock your ass to the floor
Pterodactyl! That's not a dinosaur either
Pink Ranger Kimberly is hotter than fever
Triceratops! That's what I'm talkin about
Blue Ranger Billy's a nerd, there's no need to shout
Saber-Toothed Tiger! Man, you're not even tryin
Yellow Ranger Trini's zord looks more like a lion (Voltron!)
Tyrannosaurus! The Dinosaur KING!
Red Ranger Jason destroys foes like it ain't no thing
The monster grew and we don't fuckin know how
But we do know this: We need Megazord power, NOW!

Go, Go, Power Rangers!
Go, Go, Power Rangers!
Go, Go, Power Rangers!
You Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!
Go, Go, Power Rangers!
Go, Go, Power Rangers!
Go, Go, Power Rangers!
You Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!

credits

from The Cookie Monstrosity, released October 21, 2013

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