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The Cookie Monstrosity

by Jollimus

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Oh, damn, did I really spend the whole night drinkin? I got work in an hour, what the fuck was I thinkin? I stagger as I run into the morning air And prepare to battle my mortal enemy: Stairs. My left foot goes down, my left foot comes up Weighin just a little bit heavier My right foot goes down, my right foot comes up Movin, why can't it be steadier? The ground gets closer as I stop to breathe I almost toppled over in that sudden breeze I throw up and I can't seem to beat this I call in, and tell my boss that I might be late I lucked up and I caught a cab Then stumbled drunkenly back into my pad Alright, shower, change, have another drink And throw up again in the kitchen sink Goin from bar to bar to floor all night I might have given my friends an awful fright Everyone's like "Hey dude, take it easy" But I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy Everybody knows I'm a champion Cuz I got mad rhymes like a stampion They still like "Easy peasy lemon squeezy" And I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy Oh shit, I think I might be pregnant Gotta be some kinda miracle conception I mean, how could this have happened I know for sure I didn't get any action Plus, there's the part where I'm a guy And this ain't "Junior", so I gotta ask why Why do crazy things happen to me? I mean, why can't people stop and see I'm a mighty creature, shunned by most But a welcoming soul, I'll be your host I'll make french toast, and serve it for dinner Then we'll dance all night. I'm no beginner Wait, what the hell was I talkin about? Agh, my ears. There's no need to shout Ok, I'm not pregnant, you're not a lemming Just wake me up when the walls stop spinning Goin from bar to bar to floor all night I might have given my friends an awful fright Everyone's like "Hey dude, take it easy" But I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy Everybody knows I'm a champion Cuz I got mad rhymes like a stampion They still like "Easy peasy lemon squeezy" And I ignore 'em cuz I'm crazy like a drunk beezy Oh fuck, I'm late for work Which means Randy will gloat. That fuckin jerk. I hurry down the stairs and onto the bus When I get off, I run, cuz I'm in a rush He did, Randy gloated, so I punched him in the throat I somehow got promoted, gonna party on a boat Invite my friends and all the people I can find Seen this one girl and I had to feed her lines "Girl, you're cuter than puppies in kitten suits Villaness Baroness got nothing on you." Think I'm losin my nitrogen cool Man, there on her finger, I'm wrapped in a spool But it worked, we went back to her place Stayed up all night playing Dead Space What? You wanted me to say I fucked her silly Wouldn't admit that freely in this little ditty
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C'mon people, y'all should Holla @ Some Jollimus Not even playin y'all, his rhymes are fuckin bottomless Do you ladies want a man who's lovable as hell? You want a man who can be adjustable as well? A man who's creative and credible and doesn't smell? Who treats you with respect and doesn't make your anger swell? A man who's there whenever you need him? And doesn't rage when at life you beat him? Who rarely interrupts you when you're speakin? Who doesn't fuck shit up with his creepin? That's well and good, you should peep the man Jolli Prime He'll comfort you if he sees you in the lobby cryin Wipe your tears, make you smile, you'll be like "golly, I'm Happy that you're here. You should take me to Raleigh sometime." You just gotta remember he ain't a bad guy Whatever your belief, he thinks that you be damn fine So hurry up before there be a long line And he finds that relationship cloud nine When you see a Jolli, you gotta Holla @ Some And give him a gift, like maybe some rum Whether you end up with him or just a friend Don't worry, he'll stick with you until the end When losers mess with his, he does things to spite them They find that kinda shit comes back to bite them I took these titles to screw with a dumbfuck That's why this track is called Decapitated Skullfuck Fellas, do you need a friend who'll be there for you? Do you need a guy to go and be a wingman for you? A friend who'd date her ugly friend for you? A friend who'll even straight up rhyme for you four times for you? The kind of friend who'll be there when you get in trouble And even sticks around when you go and make it double He'll help protect your feelings from devestation He's the best goddamn friend in the nation Listen bro, you should check out that Jolli Prime He's an awesome dude who'll always hold your place in line Who'll sit and listen to your every wish and whine And help you get that chick that he found in the lobby cryin You just gotta remember, he ain't a rich, man He'll hang with you, but fuck if he's always payin Ain't no way he'll go for a dine and ditch plan Do that shit and the friendship will be decaying When you see a Jolli, you gotta Holla @ Some And give him a gift, like maybe some rum Whether you end up with him or just a friend Don't worry, he'll stick with you until the end When losers mess with his, he does things to spite them They find that kinda shit comes back to bite them I took these titles to screw with a dumbfuck That's why this track is called Decapitated Skullfuck Ayo parents, do you have ill-behaved kids? Are they somehow putting your life on the skids? Wish you had a way to keep them in line? A way to cope that doesn't involve wine? You need someone to teach them truth and love To teach them things about the stars above To scare them silly at the speed of light To frighten them 'til they're prepared to fight Have you heard about the boogeyman, Jolli Prime? He'll leave a brick in their pillow. Think I'm lyin? Tell them "Straighten up or He'll come flyin Into your room, teeth glistenin, fast as lightnin" You just gotta remember, he ain't a pedophile He'll scare your kids, and he'll do it with a great big smile By way of internet, or walkin to your door Then they'll behave or he'll be back for more When you see a Jolli, you gotta Holla @ Some And give him a gift, like maybe some rum Whether you end up with him or just a friend Don't worry, he'll stick with you until the end He won't cry "FRIENDZONE!", he won't bitch and moan He won't try to break up over the phone He's a loyal guy, and he's hella fly And he's standing by, ready for your reply You can tell him yes, you can tell him no You can even tell him to pack up and go He'll do what it do and respect your wishes No, he won't come back just to wash your dishes If you mess with him and his, he'll do things to spite you You'll find that kinda shit comes back to bite you He took these titles to screw with a dumbfuck That's why this track is called Decapitated Skullfuck
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Hey humans, Gaia's had enough of your shit All the pollution you cause has made her planet the pits Cleveland seems to be your crowning achievement So she grabbed 5 teens and brought them to an agreement Kwame, from Africa, the power of Earth Cuz we all know blacks work best in the dirt From North America, Wheeler, with the power of Fire He's a ginger with a soul, and I ain't a liar From the Soviet Union, Linka, the power of Wind Upset at Wheeler's shitty flirting again Gi, from Asia, gets the power of Water As she cools things down, things get even hotter (Wet tshirts!) From South America, Ma-ti and the power of heart Alright kids, you know your damn part Shout out the words and I'll come flyin By your powers combined, I am CAPTAIN PLAAAAANEEEET CAPTAIN PLAAAAANEEEET CAPTAIN PLAAAAANEEEET CAPTAIN PLAAAAANEEEET Galaxy Explorers, sent to Arus for Voltron Didn't expect capture by Haggar and Zarkon Met Princess Allura after they got free Searched the Castle of Lions for the hidden keys The five lions are scattered across Arus Oh shit, Here comes a Robeast to scare us Feet and Legs, blue lion, under the seas Go get 'em Sven, you can win this with ease Yellow lion, in a cave, but fuckin Why? Powered by sunlight. Oh well, Hunk, you're our guy Arms and Body, Pidge found his in the forest Green lion, quick to throw a left hook for us Found the red lion in a damn volcano lair Lance holds the Blazing Sword and slashes foes to air? The Head! Black lion piloted by Keith Styles He's so smooth, he needs a theme song like Guile's Ready to Form Voltron! Activate Interlocks! Dyna-therms connected! Infra-cells up; Mega-thrusters are go! Let's go, Voltron Force Form Feet and Legs! Form Arms and Body! And I'll form... The head! After 5,000 years, the evil Rita Repulsa is free From her prison tub, which was on the moon, I think? Zordon got 5 teenagers with motherfuckin attitude Gave them dinosaur powers and said "Go fight the bad dudes" Mastadon! Wait, that's not a dinosaur. Black Ranger Zack will knock your ass to the floor Pterodactyl! That's not a dinosaur either Pink Ranger Kimberly is hotter than fever Triceratops! That's what I'm talkin about Blue Ranger Billy's a nerd, there's no need to shout Saber-Toothed Tiger! Man, you're not even tryin Yellow Ranger Trini's zord looks more like a lion (Voltron!) Tyrannosaurus! The Dinosaur KING! Red Ranger Jason destroys foes like it ain't no thing The monster grew and we don't fuckin know how But we do know this: We need Megazord power, NOW! Go, Go, Power Rangers! Go, Go, Power Rangers! Go, Go, Power Rangers! You Mighty Morphin Power Rangers! Go, Go, Power Rangers! Go, Go, Power Rangers! Go, Go, Power Rangers! You Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!
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Fuck You! 03:35
This is the shitty intro to my song And just to make sure you can't rap along I'm recording it on the worst mic I can find I mean, it's so bad, it'll blow your mind Well, technically, these are earbuds Make me sound as bad at rapping as Elmer Fudd You don't need quality to be a go-getter I make no promises, but it'll get better If you hate my music, fuck you And if you say fuck me, well fuck you too You an audiophile? Then fuck your ears I prolly won't have a good mic for years If you hate my music, fuck you And if you say fuck me, well fuck you too You an audiophile? Then fuck your ears I prolly won't have a good mic for years A bad mic won't stop me, you nerds can't top me Even dragonbreath don't stand a chance to cockblock me Even at the swap meet, girls be after my body Fuckin is a hobby and I'll leave a bitch knock-kneed I can succeed where you managed to fail If you get in my way, I might end up in jail Drop down from the ceiling, throw you over the rail Jump after you and beat you with a pale Not a pail, I mean a picket, a stake I won't let up until your very being aches Your entire existence is a giant mistake While I'm great with the ladies, Rap Game Johnathan Frakes I'm like a black Commander William T. Riker Chasin all the ladies like a sexual tiger With you, she'll stop at a lackluster cyber But she won't be happy until I finish inside her If you hate my music, fuck you And if you say fuck me, well fuck you too You an audiophile? Then fuck your ears I prolly won't have a good mic for years If you hate my music, fuck you And if you say fuck me, well fuck you too You an audiophile? Then fuck your ears I prolly won't have a good mic for years Hear ye, hear ye! Am I comin through clearly? Am I makin more sense than a monthly yearly? When your distance to here is roughly nearly I just look at your girl and I say "Girl. Beer me" She hops to, like I set her on fire Rushes off, returns with what I require And then, as if to make you a liar She goes off with me when I retire I mean, it's me y'alls girls simply adore And they're the ones that want me to explore Get a couple of 'em together down on my floor When I leave the next morn, they'll be beggin for more Well, they might not be walkin for days And for a while they might look at me strange But I know that I never change And my strange ways, well they stay strange ways If you hate my music, fuck you And if you say fuck me, well fuck you too You an audiophile? Then fuck your ears I prolly won't have a good mic for years If you hate my music, fuck you And if you say fuck me, well fuck you too You an audiophile? Then fuck your ears I prolly won't have a good mic for years
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When the whip-poor-will (will, will) Whippoors in the wind (wind, wind) The wind can whippoor back (back, back) Oh, nice and chubby baby (baby) When the whip-poor-will (will, will) Whippoors in the wind (wind, wind) The wind can whippoor back (back, back) Waitin on my wages so I can fill my wallet I wanna buy another whatchamacallit Always ready for a round of wasteful spending And I'm pretty well-known for my graceful wending I duck through crowds with a bob and a weave Winding through gaps like you wouldn't believe I can wiggle my way through wall-to-wall losers And clean a wood floor without wax or a Hoover I remember when I met your sister Couldn't resist her like a wicked tongue twister She left my heart a-fluttering Her wacky riddles left me wondering Like, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck? If a woodchuck could, would a woodchuck fuck? If I cook duck good, then would you fuck Chuck? If you struck my hood, then would we get stuck? When the whip-poor-will (will, will) Whippoors in the wind (wind, wind) The wind can whippoor back (back, back) Oh, nice and chubby baby (baby) When the whip-poor-will (will, will) Whippoors in the wind (wind, wind) The wind can whippoor back (back, back) Oh, nice and chubby baby (baby) Wholeheartedly! Reaching toward perfection Outsmarting me! Is your only protection Warmongering! A past life profession Whore smothering! Way illegal erection Word processing! Time for grammar correction We're commenting! On your horrid complexion Unwillingly! Submitting to inspection You're killing me! With your wicked rejection Weekly, we walk with weariness Who wouldn't wonder why we went? Well-meaning women wander west Wednesday's weather: Wild and windswept While whistling, we witness whimsy Well, will you wait with me? Warlocks worship well-off wives Who whittle down our worthless lives When the whip-poor-will (will, will) Whippoors in the wind (wind, wind) The wind can whippoor back (back, back) Oh, nice and chubby baby (baby) When the whip-poor-will (will, will) Whippoors in the wind (wind, wind) The wind can whippoor back (back, back) Oh, nice and chubby baby (baby)
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This is my favorite track out of everything I've ever written I hope y'all figure this out. Good luck. I'm Jolli Prime, Master Pimp and you losers can't see me Lookin for a Rich Female Patron with a real nice Big Round Booty Any Single Ladies I Don't Find Ugly, you should Grab A Number Baby Grab a seat, Take a smoke, Don't be annoying, But Act Cool If you say something stupid, I can move on to the next one But if you bring your A-Game baby, we can make out All I'm saying is, you could be meant to find me girl Keep being pretty and I might keel haul your fuckin world I dig your subtle taste some of the time, definitely I always treat women with respect, truly gentlemanly No disrespect, not even when she's beating me senseless Incremental intoxicaion is overrated? Nice to know, Pretty heavy shit So I can stay with you or lose out? Looks like there's no choice. Come on baby, let's go. Your place or mine? Sleeping's far from my mind We could manage to stay up and play some Madden You're all like "Tha Fuck?" I freely admit that I'm weird I was kinda fishing for shit so the next bar would work I thought I told you, you gotta stop that shit before it grows You claim to be lost. Am I at fault? Just a filler bar. You should deign to honor me with your presence You are aware that Jollimus is amazing They'll need a crane, they'll need a crane to take the house he built for her apart To make it break it's gonna take a metal ball hung from a chain They'll need a crane, they'll need a crane to pick the broken ruins up again To mend her heart, to help him start to see a world apart from pain Ana Ng and I are getting old And we still haven't walked in the glow Of each others' majestic presence. Listen, Ana, hear my words They're the ones you would think Don't, don't, don't let's start This is the worst part Could believe for all the world That you are my precious little girl But don't, don't, don't let's start I've got a weak heart And I don't get around how you get around I would say If there was a me for you "Son I am able," she said, "though you scare me" "Watch," said I "Beloved," I said, "watch me scare you, though" Said she, "Able am I, son" I Palindrome I (Man o nam). Where's The Fuckin Barbecue? You're all like "Tha Fuck?" I freely admit that I'm weird I was kinda fishing for shit so the next bar would work I thought I told you, you gotta stop that shit before it grows You claim to be lost. Am I at fault? Just a filler bar. You should deign to honor me with your presence You are aware that Jollimus is amazing Ask Anyone Babe, Aggressive Behaviour Agitates Cute Chicks Because All Beauties Aren't Crazy Deep Existential Dreams Ease Disrespect. Don't Exit, Everyone's Free For Fucking Fun Girl Forget Giving Head? I'm Jollimus. Hell I'm Jollilingus Kingus, Kink Grand Keep Laughing, Maybe No Other Pussy Licker Might Nosh Pussy Like Me Personally Please Stay Real Silent QTPie, Stay Real Quiet, Quickly Release Tension Then Up Under The Stars Let Me Enjoy Your Sweet, Tight Ass Vagina We'll Wander Wearily Til Under Verse Come Xerox Your Youth. X-ray Xylophones. You Yearn For Young Jolli Yet Zero Zaps Now You Can't Fuckin Say You Know What I Mean You Bet Your Ass I'm Makin This Shit Up Man Still Confused? Ugh, I Can't Help That. Better You Than Me The Thing You Lack Is Knowing What I Mean Why Don't I Start Over? Sounds Good To Me Gonna Pretend Like I Don't Know What You Mean Hold up. so you're saying this song confused you too? If I tell you what it means, will you buy me a drink? "What'chu talkin' 'bout Willis?" is surely what you're thinkin And I reply "Na-Nu Na-Nu" without even blinkin "Gee Mrs. Cleaver," that's a whole lotta mud I thought I told you to "Nip it in the bud!" You say you're confused? "Did I do that?" You're threatening me? "God'll get you for that" "Hey hey hey" You should chill with me, alright? Cuz you know that Jolli Prime is "DYNOMITE!"
10.
I'm Jollimus Prime, Dread Master of Speaker-Fu This shit might just seem greek to you It's the newest craze hittin your town This is motherfuckin fighting with sound When you start to learn, there's no turnin back You'll see what you lack, what you need to earn And in return, I'll pick up the slack Teach you the track to give off a sick burn Classic comebacks are in the curriculum But you need power to make it stick to 'em 5 months is the absolute minimum You'll be on your way to speaker-fu officialdom At higher levels, speakers grow from your body And even if you're just eatin Chef Boyardee Everywhere you go becomes a bangin party Even KFC or the Compton swap meet Come on down and start your lessons today Once you do, you'll get fools outta your way Gender doesn't matter, nor does physique You'll all learn my hidden techniques I'll teach you to create a shockwave And tunes that will make all kids behave How to use your powers to shave And how to turn life into a neverending rave Don't like your figure? Want your tits bigger? Just want random dudes to buy you liquor? Worried that you just don't possess enough vigor? In all this and more, I'm yo nigga Unless you're white, then I'm your man The cone of silence is in the lesson plan You can learn to use SONAR for sight And how to keep it hard for her all night Or how to keep it wet for him all day Or hard for him and wet for her Someone's gonna be pleased any way No discrim, do who you prefer. Just remember, Speaker-Fu is a weapon You can use it to make fools get to steppin But don't look at me if you end up in jail This contract says you must pay your own bail Speaker-fu might just keep you alive Or make you the hottest member of a band So come on down, put some money in my hand Just eighty easy payments of $19.95
11.
Depression sets in once again I lay, I stay in bed all day No golden sun to make it disappear My days are spent in fear Fear of love, fear of death Fear of every last regret There's no reason for me to stay alive Heartbroken suicide There's no more love in my life Lost sanity the only cost The price to pay for feelings dear Which makes me wonder why I'm here Makes me wonder why I bother Or if I should have told my mother From the start, a heartbreak set Another one of my regrets Regret, regret. I wish my heart Would stop tearing itself apart Apart from me to nothing after Nothing more than forcing laughter Marijuana, my sweet death With alcohol upon my breath Cocaine to make the heartbreak stop Or bleed myself to my last drop Every day, wake up so upset Makin you leave's my worst regret I bet you'd make me breakfast if I hadn't gone and spurned your kisses Unused to fending for myself Unsure what goes upon what shelf Somehow stabbed with a butter knife I miss the feeling in my life Feelin like I'm Lieutenant Worf In everything, I get ignored Even when I'm fuckin right And we should run instead of fight Without you here, I'm lost as heck Can't keep this noose from round my neck Can't justify my suicide *noise* Regret, regret. I wish my heart Would stop tearing itself apart Apart from me to nothing after Nothing more than forcing laughter Marijuana, my sweet death With alcohol upon my breath Cocaine to make the heartbreak stop Or bleed myself to my last drop A cigarette to get me by The minutes passing through the eye Of time that watches as I fair And feelings lead to dead despair Another love is lost before it Fully put itself in motion Nothing left but emptiness Another day I'm left depressed The confidence that it brought In left me remembering The pedestal she put me on And every other thing that's gone I thought I could get by myself My emptiness, my greatest wealth Alone I sit and contemplate A bitter end to my own hate Regret, regret. I wish my heart Would stop tearing itself apart Apart from me to nothing after Nothing more than forcing laughter Marijuana, my sweet death With alcohol upon my breath Cocaine to make the heartbreak stop Or bleed myself to my last drop
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After extensive research into the illuminati, the New World Order, The Freemasons, The Skull and Bones Society, Global History, Politics and economies, Religions, Astrology, psychology, Dreams, Alternate reality Theories, ect. I have come to the following conclusions: *Anything is possible. *There is a design that fits all scales. *The World's leaders (illuminati) use evil (ie. lies ect) to obtain their goals and worship lucifer hence the devil horns. *Symbols have deep meanings, the sacred geometry like the triangle/pyramids, 666, the 3rd all seeing eye, and is linked to alchemy. *People are easily manipulated with subliminal messages and are completely unaware until they can see it. * Like the matrix when your in too deep you can snap when your sense of reality changes radically. *The bible stories and every religion around the world are pretty much the same stories ie the great flood. *There are shape shifting beings that are called "The Others" that control the illuminati just like that 80's movie "They Live". *They are reptilian hence the snake in the garden of Edan and are multidimensional and never die, and are completely the cause of UFOs. *Since they are not humans it explains how they can pit our species against one another and sacrifice us without remorse. *Everything they do is exactly like the stories of the bible and revelations once again let me mention THEY WORSHIP LUCIFER! *Lucifer is a reptile in symbolism but is fire based off of god creating him that way. *When bad people have died and come back they say they feel pain, fire and darkness. *War is evil, Demonic possession is real and that links with what Scientology believe about humans being animals that spirits inhabit which would explain out of body experiences and dream states. They say to be absent from the body is to be present with the lord. *I believe in a good justified god that loves because they totally worship an evil dark cruel god and i feel you can't have evil if there isnt good. *Lucifer has people sell their soul (look at MC Chris's work) and then fucks them over in the end because he don't give a fuck he is damned so why not take as many of god's children as possible? The book even says what is going on that satan bet god we would betray him, our creator and worship him. *That is why the freemasons teach that lucifer is "the light" but most are unaware except the 31-33 degree masons, satan wants to get all of god's best children to work for him because it adds insult to injury, also they really hate black people because it reminds them of themselves and white people are the best to use for evil because if god is light white people look more like him and more insult. race doesn't matter though in the game of peoplechess. *Read Albert Pike's "Morals and Dogma" and David Rockefeller's memoirs where he admits to creating the New World Order, also watch Bush Snr. on 9/11/1991 talk about it on youtube. *youtube is a tool that is used to show videos, it is not the tool it is the meanings behind the videos that should be judged, same thing with wikipedia, it is a platform for information, once again the tool is a tool, the information is either accurate or false and that comes from understanding meaning. *To write off information despite it's source is very foolish especially if you don't bother to check out it's logic. Yes, it is possible that you can put up lies on the tools we use but does that mean we can't also put up truths? I think everything that comes out of the propaganda box they feed us is true to an extent but I will explain that in another post. Now how do we know the evil "others" either demons or alien overlords, didn't write the bible themselves since it literally is a blue print of what is going on in the world even down to the RFID chip aka THE MARK OF THE BEAST and other specific details. The truth is we can't know, but we can feel. we can feel the good or the evil so if you want to be an agent of evil your betraying life and nature, which makes me think even more that they are demons because they are evil. They don't die which means they are a part of infinity/multidimensional like god so they can't be of this plane of existence. Also if they lie about everything then why would they be trustworthy? I looked up the history of the bible and why they put it out everywhere and I came to this idea, if satan can mess with us on this plane of existence then so could god, here is a video to further explain this. http://nig.gr/vag

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released October 21, 2013

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